Length: 160 pp
Author: John Ensor
One of the most frequent and necessary areas of counseling teens and single adults is in the area of relationships. Culturally, they swim in a pool of insanity, so Biblical wisdom is essential. John Ensor reminds us what it means to be male and female, to have distinct roles. Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart is a great book for older teens, young singles, and married adults.
In the same way that hunger alone tells us nothing about eating nutritionally, our passions and urges do not teach us about loving well. We can be driven by the chemistry of creation to meet and greet but that is not the same as having a grasp on who we are meeting and what their needs are. Hormones and oxytocin bond us to those with whom we share a bed, but what it means to love beyond merely making love does not come from chemistry; it comes from theology. It comes from parenting. It comes by learning. Proverbs 19:2 says, “Desire without knowledge is not good.”
I once had a lively discussion with a brother who insisted that in his relationship everything was equal, and that this was the hallmark of their marriage. To him equal meant same and therefore interchangeable. He proudly rejected the idea of male initiation and female response. And what is more, he thought he was serving the cause of women in this.
I responded by saying that in my marriage, my wife and I never think about equality, though if forced to think about it we would affirm our mutual worth before God. Instead, I see my wife as better and more precious than I–of greater worth. And I told him my wife took no offense in this matter. Indeed she gets upset with me precisely at the point when I start treating her as my equal. To her it feels like a step down.